Long week

I am sorry I haven't updated in a few days. To put it nicely, I feel like crap. There is something messed up with my head (no, not mentally) and I can't stand up or move quickly without getting dizzy. It has gotten to the point now that I can't really even focus on stuff. So, I think I am finally going to give in and go to the doctor tomorrow, unless I miraculously wake up feeling better.

I talked online with my guy a couple of days ago. It was the strangest discussion. I was saying things to make it very obvious that I am interested in seeing more of him, and he didn't pick up on any of it. When we were saying goodbye I said, "I hope I didn't completely freak you out tonight." Oh, to catch you up to speed, he has severe commitment anxiety, so I have avoided THE TALK with him for fear of scaring him away. That is why I have dropped so many not-so-subtle hints that I am interested in more. So, when I said that, he was completely confused and couldn't figure out what would have freaked him out. I tried to just drop it and end things for the evening, but he wouldn't hear of it. So, I finally just put it bluntly to him that I am interested and would like to see him on a more regular basis. I did make sure to add that I wasn't asking for exclusivity yet, just something more often than a date every six months. He was surprisingly cool with everything and said that he would like that and that we'd plan something soon. But then he had to add, "No strings attached." He said he was kidding, but I don't believe him. He wants to have all the perks of a relationship without actually having any sort of a real relationship. I am not wanting a commitment immediately myself, just more frequent dates, so that is not what bothered me. More than anything I would like to spend some more time with him to see if he is someone I would like to have a relationship with. But, for him to say, "Yeah, let's hang out, no strings attached," was a little insulting to me. I don't know what I will do now if he does actually try to get together again.

Why can't I just meet a normal guy, without commitment hang-ups, and who actually WILL call again? Dating is so frustrating!!!